Jennifer Sharp (jenisnape) wrote in writing_101,
Jennifer Sharp

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I haven't wrote in a long time. This is just the beginning of a new story idea of mine. It's currently untitled.
I'm having a go at 1st person.
ANY advice or comments are VERY welcome :)

She lay there, unmoving. In the hospital bed.
I've always hated hospitals. They are too clean.
I really don't know why I became a doctor. Well, technically I'm a Detective. But my brother's sick and he asked me to come in to work for him. We're twins. Very different in personality though. I'm the cool funny one, where my brother happens to be be the most serious person I've ever met.
Now you've got to be wondering how a detective can fill in for a doctor, identical or not.
Well as it happens, the two of us took schooling in both medicine and police training. So that way if we need to switch, no big deal. Well I suppose it's be a big deal if you were the person I was operating on. But that aside, it works out just fine.
The girl in the too clean bed, has been in a coma for three months. I've seen her the few times I've filled in for my brother. She's quite beautiful, for a person who never wakes up. Kind of like sleeping beauty, except in a hospital gown.

I picked up her chart from the end of the bed. Pretty much no change.
Still in a coma obviously.
She came in three months ago. A homeless guy had found her in an abandoned building just outside of town. Head trauma, broken arm, black eye, and small lacerations on her face and hands.
It was her right eye, just in case you were wondering.
She looks fine now. Everything's healing nicely.
Well, except for the fact that she still hasn't woken up.
I sighed as I started to take her blood pressure. Normal. I checked her heart beat. Normal as well.
A nurse walked into the room, and seemed surprised to see me there.
"Uhh...Doctor Lyndon, I thought you were in a meeting," said the nurse.
She had short blonde hair. A bob. I think her name was Carol.
Hmmm...Maybe not.
"Ahh...A meeting you say".
"Yes." she said curtly.
Shit. What meeting was she talking about.
She stood there looking oddly at me.
God, she's not being of much help.
Just standing there. Didn't she have anything better to do?
"Don't you have work to do?," I said smugly.
"Ah...Yes Sir," she said as she scurried away.
Hmpf. That's what she gets for being totally useless to me.
Now, what was she talking about? I should go to Lucien's office.
I made my way to my brother's office. He keeps it so neat. We're so opposite about some things. Well at least it'll be easy to find out what meeting he didn't tell me about. Trying to make sure I don't screw up.
I don't always screw things up. And he's screwed things up before too. So I don't see why he's so strict.
His hospital date book was right on his desk. Well, under a pile of files he wanted me to go through first.
Ya, right. He can do that junk.
I flipped through the book to Dec. 2.
Transplant Committe meeting at 4:00pm.
I looked at the clock on the wall. 4:06. I can still go. I can say i was held up. On the phone, not a mugger. Phones more believeible.


My pager. Well, Lucien's pager.
I looked at it. -Lucien-
I rubbed my temple.
What is he? Psychic?
I sat down at his desk and dialed his cell number. One ring, two rings,
"Lucas, don't go to that meeting," he said in his usual monotone voice.
"What meeting."
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. And I already gave them notice that I wouldn't be able to attend the meeting. Just do the paperwork I left you. Stay in the office," he said with a bit of...aggression?
No, agitation.
"Ya, ya master," I scoffed.
"If your lucky I'll bring you a cake," he said as he hung up.
Great. Well I guess I'll do that paper work then. I know he'll quiz me. And one wrong answer equals no cake.
Dang. I actually have to work.
I grabbed a pen and got ready for a long day.
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